How do you connect with people?

One of the main areas that I struggle in is friendship. I am good at making friends in an easy environment, like a camp or workshop.... But just starting from scratch, with no available medium for making friends, I tend to lean towards a shyer Erik. Once an environment is available to me, I make friends easily, but I have to have that environment.

So as far as creating an environment for friendship, or getting connected to it, I'm not the best source of info, but once you're in that environment.... Here's what works for me:

1. Ask a lot of questions with the ultimate goal in mind of finding what that persons interests are. This is something I learned from a mentor of mine, Mark Hulett (www.facebook.com/markthemagicman). We would have sales meetings with potential clients or partners and he would spend the first 30 minutes talking about nothing! It drove me nuts! I would always be thinking... "mark, get to the point!" but every time I thought he was about to move the meeting forward, he would ask another question.

Here was the kicker: he would always connect! No matter who he was talking to.... To the analytical people out there (like me) try this next time you're meeting someone for the first time. Everytime they ask a question answer it quickly and honestly, but always try to turn the conversation back over to them.

2. Remember that in order to connect, they must first feel comfortable. The best way to have someone feel comfortable with you? Get them to talk about themselves! People love to talk about themselves. But make it even more than that! A great example: my father in law is a man of few words, but there are three subjects that never fail to get him involved.... Baseball/softball, auto paint, and stocks. Bring up any three of those topics, and he'll talk your ear off :) in a good way ;)

3. Follow up ! This is where most people screw up. This is the point where most people only have 'cocktail friends'. They are great at the small talk (like all the stuff just talked about) but they fail to follow up. If someone mentions to you that they love Mexican food, why not invite them over for taco night? If someone's kid plays tee-ball why not go catch a game and being some cold drinks?

I know what most of you reading this are thinking: I don't want to do all that, I want someone else to do that for me. Well, guess how you reap that sort of attention and affection? You've got to sow first!

Try it! Find the environment, and pick one of two people/couples.... And give it a try.

You've got to sow before you reap!

#success
-Erik